Some supposed relationship danger signs are really no big deal at all. Here’s how to know when your problems are normal.
You don’t act like honeymooners
“The chemistry we feel for a spouse can ebb and flow for many reasons,” says Cathy W. Meyer, managing editor of divorcedmoms.com. “It’s not unusual in a marriage to go through periods where we feel a lack of desire for our spouse.” When someone is sick or a couple has young kids, it’s natural to be less intimate. Even as you age, you might not want to be as physical as you once were. But if you’re no longer intimate consistently, ask yourselves why. A lack of physical affection means you’re in a platonic relationship. Check out 15 signs your relationship is solid.
You argue about the same thing repeatedly
It’s normal and common for people to argue about the same issues throughout their marriage, says Marni Feuerman, a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. This might lead to divorce, though, if you let the arguments seriously escalate, fight dirty, shut down and refuse to talk, or excessively blame, says Feuerman. You may need to practice some give-and-take to end the constant battles. “Couples get caught in a cycle of the same-old drama because they’ve lost interest in each other and the health of their relationship,” says Meyer. These are the fights that are actually healthy to have as a couple.
You don’t feel madly in love
With daily responsibilities like work, running a household, and chauffeuring your kids, your passion for each other may take a backseat. You likely can’t jet off to the Caribbean or spend hours in bed like in your newlywed days to rev up the romances. But you can do little things to rekindle your relationship. “Go the extra mile to rekindle the romance that you had in the beginning and your entire relationship will be better,” says Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. Try something new, different and exciting to help promote closeness and connection, says Feuerman. Take a cooking class, try a dance lesson, sign up for an escape room, she says. “Do almost anything you can think of that’s novel,” says Feuerman. “Novelty kicks up the dopamine hormone, the one that goes into high gear when we fall in love.”