“You’re special and unique. Don’t settle for just anyone”
“While this may seem like a soothing and loving suggestion, the reality is that when we convince ourselves that we are special, different, or one of a kind, we separate ourselves from others,” says McGregor. “We take on a pattern of withdrawal or even superiority with thinking or behavior to protect ourselves from being disappointed or hurt.” If people keep reassuring themselves that they (and they alone!) are special, it could lead to problems in future relationships with partners unable to meet unrealistic standards, McGregor explains. “While it’s important to know what makes you tick, you miss out on loads of fun, personal growth and opportunity to develop deep relationships.” Instead, say, “How wonderful that every person you meet is giving you an opportunity to expand your viewpoints and see the world through new eyes.” Try these 56 secrets from life coaches to create the life you want.
“Don’t worry, you’ll meet somebody when the time is right”
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The perfect partner landing in your lap precisely when you’re least expecting it—it’s the stuff of rom-coms and romantic dreams, right? Unfortunately, it can also be an unrealistic fairy tale. “This statement is placating because there is ‘no right time,’” says Mayfield. “A lot of times meeting the ‘right’ person is simply chance. So remove this statement from your list of things to say.” Mayfield advises friends to stop focusing on the singleness of the one they’re trying to ‘help.’ “They are not a three-headed monster and there is nothing wrong with them. Instead champion them as an individual. Celebrate their uniqueness, their diversity, their identity, be inquisitive and curious, but don’t make their singleness the main focus.” Find out 10 things to do for the best-ever Galentine’s Day.
“I know somebody else single…”
It should go without saying, but just because two people are both single does not a good match make. “People have great intentions when they say something like this, but it’s extremely naïve and ignorant to assume that their matchmaking skills are up to par,” Bronstein says. “There are so many more aspects to a love connection than simply being single. Many times, the well-intentioned person doesn’t know one or both parties well, so it’s a waste of time on everyone’s part.” Equally important: the person you’re trying to set up might not want to be. “Don’t assume that the single person even wants to get fixed up; maybe they are on a dating hiatus.” Instead, Bronstein recommends a tailored approach. “I’d like to fix you up with my best friend. I have no idea if it would work out, and if you’re interested in a fix-up, but I know you well, I know my best friend, and I know that you have a lot in common with one another, so that’s a good start. Are you open to this?” You and your friend will both have a laugh over these 17 ridiculous dating tips from the 1950s.