Has your sex life has fizzled, totally crashed, or morphed into “roommates only” territory after many years together? Getting your groove back and rebooting your sexual intimacy doesn’t have to be a long-term project. Here are little expert-approved strategies for rebooting your sex life in just 24 hours.
Put sex at the top of your priority list
Especially when you’re married and have children and your to-do list is filled with work, social commitments, and piles of bills, sex can easily fall low on the totem pole of priorities. But this is one of the biggest mistakes couples can make, says Dawn Michael, PhD, clinical sexologist, relationship expert and author of My Husband Wont Have Sex With Me. “When couples don’t make sex a priority, it falls behind everything else—but when sex becomes a priority for both people, each person takes responsibility to initiate it.” It’s important to establishing intimacy, and sex can even help you live longer. Make a pact that you’ll both be more willing and open to improving your sex life. “When you each know the other is on board, you’ll be less intimidated to initiate and more willing to accept your partner’s sexual advances,” says Claudia Six, PhD, clinical sexologist, relationship coach and author of Erotic Integrity: How To Be True To Yourself Sexually. This also indicates that you’re not just waiting for the other person to go first—you’re in it together.
Spend 10 minutes kissing with all your clothes on
When we first start dating someone new, we typically start by holding hands, and then move to kissing. But, sadly, kissing slowly goes away as the relationship continues and life becomes more hectic. “When we kiss, specifically with our clothes on, it reminds us what we truly love and are attracted to about our partner and is one of the best things we can do to keep the spark alive,” says Rudi Rahbar, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist. A good place to start is by letting yourselves linger over a six-second kiss when you say goodbye in the morning. “This will give you food for thought throughout the day,” suggests Deb Castaldo, PhD, couples and marriage therapist and author of Relationship REBOOT: Tech Support for Love.
Compliment each other often
There’s nothing better than feeling loved and knowing that our partner is attracted to us—and the best way to achieve this is by complimenting one another. “This reminds us that our partner continues to find us attractive, even when we might not feel our best. It helps us feel wanted,” says Dr. Rahbar. This reboots warm feelings and minimizes conflict and criticism. Start by telling each other things you appreciate about the other person. This will build a cooperative atmosphere and encourage you both to be more open and willing to explore in the bedroom. This is exactly how long women want sex to last.